Joural | Getting there, but no cake.

CHALLENGE PROGRESS: 260 / 1,000 ~ 26% Complete
TODAY: 50 | PERSONAL BEST: 50 / Day


8:00AM | So I woke up around 5-ish, and I opened up my podcast player to listen to something I can meditate to. And I woke up around 10 minutes to 7AM, and I’m like: “What the hell”. I really need to work on my morning routine, because the 2 hours I wasted in sleep was just a big problem. I think the factor that needs to be cut out from my night regimen is the YouTube videos I keep playing before I sleep.

Every night, I just have to open a gameplay of Northernlion playing The Binding of Isaac, because of reasons. It’s a fairly consistent series, with one of the best commentaries on YouTube ever.

And keeps me up late, because the upload schedule is always around 10 or 11PM. I need to work on that. Anyway, gonna wait an hour then do some steady cardio to spike up the metabolism here.

§

9:35PM | Now, I just finished a control run in Shadow of Mordor, and I really do miss messing around with the nemesis system in this game. Anyway, that was around 2 hours of my life down. I have to admit, managing my gaming is one of the trickier parts of this transformation. Having the awareness of that bad habit isn’t enough, I have to find a way to satisfy the need the way gaming does. And as of now, I’m not sure if it’s boredom, or the mental challenge, or the need for arbitrary rewards brought about by the in game actions.

In other words: Kill Uruks, Gain rewards. How do you replace that?

But maybe it’s something else, maybe a void that needs filling? Has it something to do with my crippling self esteem? I’m not completely sure really, but I do need to pinpoint it somehow.

Anyway, the challenge is progressing fairly, and I’m getting back from the slump and I think I can manage 50 a day again, maybe more if I start losing weight and reduce my wrists strain. That should be a challenge I need to consider in the future.

But as of now, I have a lot on my mind. Like how to I build my future as the countdown to my move to Finland grows ever closer. I just realized that my departure may just be weeks away and I’m not even aware of it completely. Am I ready? Am I capable? Can I actually survive on my own there without the safety net of my family?

I’m scared as shit, but I have to face the music soon and I’m not sure how I would handle it. I just have to own it and move on, be strong and do what I’ve always done so far. Do my best. That should be enough.

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