14.11 Challenge Update 24

If you spend your life anxious of tomorrow, how do you keep your mind from asking: “what’s the point?”

I’m halfway through my new Gaiman novel, and I found myself asking a lot of questions about my self. That’s what his stories do to you, make you think about things, about yourself, about every experience you have or about to have. Would you have taken that first step if you know each succeeding step is only harder than the next?

I’m six days into completing this challenge but I get tempted to just stop each day I get closer to the end.

“Now what?” I imagine myself saying when November 30 does come. What next? I already planned my next challenge, but the my head would follow up: “what’s the point?”

To an outsider, the answer seems pretty obvious, but this is where cognitive dissonance would set in. How do you change the mind of someone who believes the contrary? Try too hard, his head will break, try not hard enough and he is lost in his delusion.

I’m aware of this, but know that the mind is constantly fighting off realities, one you accept and the other you don’t.

Let’s put it this way, remember your first break up and you desperately try to convince yourself that you were meant to be while another side of you is trying to tell you other wise? Which do you believe? It wasn’t an easy decision that’s for sure.

And today, after getting scared & depressed with Chapter VII to VIII of ‘The Ocean at the End of the Lane’, I’m just scared of tomorrow.

That’s what Neil Gaiman does to you. He makes you think about things. Tonight, I’m thinking about giving up.

Maybe it’s not the book, maybe it’s something else. Today I succeeded in keeping my computer habits at bay, today I succeeded in being more productive. How about tomorrow?

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