There actually was a time in my life when I thought that love was simply a case of trial & error, and that the right person is just around waiting for you. Apparently I was wrong.
I have read & re-read multiple times Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and what I have learned a lot in dealing with relationships, being one who has gone through several in my life. And that the secret is the same one used for everything else in your life: if you want a good relationship, you have to work on it.
“…then Love her” – Steven Covey
So yeah, relationships are simple really. And the simple part is the fact that it’s super hard.
Currently, my girlfriend is out of town for a couple of days, and well let’s just say I’m feeling a bit lonely.
Unlike previous relationships, with her is just right. It’s not perfect by any way you look at it, but it feels right. We have no monthly milestones celebrated, our anniversary is just a walk in the park, electronic & digital communication is not mandatory (I just love how I DON’T have to call/text her daily) but when we hang out, it have the best friend I always wanted. We talk about our hobby which is comics, and comic-related things like movies, tv-shows, animated movies, merchandise…etc.
But that does seem perfect you may say. Well, if we’re talking about my standards in women, she’s not exactly the image of a girl I have always wanted. Back in high-school, it was all nerdy long haired girls, with shy personalities hiding some sort of unbelievable beauty underneath. And this image was all thanks to anime, with it’s pathetic protagonist and busty petite girls with an insatiable desire for the hero’s meat stick.
So I always expected(unconsciously of course) that by acting like those anime heroes, girls will just start piling up and confessing their love for me. That never really helped back and then, and getting my first girlfriend was doing the EXACT OPPOSITE of what happens in the anime. But my standards for women was then always like in those stories, they had to be cute with high pitched voices, or something with those elements.
And this was the road that led me to one failed relationship after another, with 27 courtship attempts & 6 success but broke up eventually, i blame it on forcing what I wanted from the relationship.
She had to be submissive. She had to do what I wanted do. She can’t have friends that aren’t my friends… And the selfishness list goes on and on and on.
But then came along JM. And I almost made the same mistakes with her early on the relationship. I didn’t respect her as a partner, but more of a property, someone I own, and thus can do anything with. And after several times of almost breaking up, it just had to stop, and my realization of the fact came when I began seeing that my friends are no longer the first persons by my side, but she was there. She was no help of course, but she tries, though helplessly.
And it was in this times, that I began to really apply with her the things I learned from the 7-Habits. I began treating her more of someone beside me, and not behind, again as a partner & not a follower. We had our rough patches, but when we faced the problems together, things got easier. We took turns leading the relationship, sometimes I would have a say, sometimes she. And again, it’s not perfect, especially when I have to join her walk around the cosmetics department while she browses FOREVER for a thing she needs, but it feels right.
When I’m with her, every mistake I have ever made doesn’t seem too big now. That’s why I love her, she’s the only right in this world full of wrongs.